The Adventures of Ralph Melish From the CD Matching Tie and Handkerchief
Narrator: June the fourth, nineteen seventy three, was much like any other summer's day in Peterborough, and Ralph Melish, a file clerk with an insurence company, was on his way to work as usual, when...
[suspenseful music]
nothing happened.
[music rises and stops]
Scarcely able to believe his eyes, Ralph Melish looked 'round, but one glance confirmed his suspisions. Behind a bush, on the side of the road, there was no severed arm, no dismembered trunk of a man in his late fifties, no head in a bag, nothing. Not a thing. For Ralph Melish, this was not to be the start of any trail of events which would not, in no time at all, involve him in neither a tangled knot of suspicion, nor any web of lies which would, had he not been uninvolved surely had led him to no other place then the central criminal court.
[gavel rapping]
[courtroom mumblings] But it was not to be. Ralph Melish reached his office in Davell(?) Street Peterborough at nine oh five a.m... exactly the same time... as he usually got in.
Enid: Mornin' Mista Melish.
Ralph: Mornin' Enid.
Narrator: Enid, a sharp eyed clever young girl, who had been with the firm for only four weeks, couldn't help noticing the complete abscense of tiny but tell-tale blood stains on Mr. Melish's clothing. Nor did she notice anything strange in Mr. Melish's behaviour that whole morning, nor the next morning, nor at any time before or since the entire period she worked with that firm.
Ralph: Have the new paper clips arrived, Enid?
Enid: Yes, they're over there Mista Melish.
Narrator: But, for the lack of any circumstances for this young secretary to notice, and the total non-involvement of Mr. Melish in anything illegal, the forweight of the law would have ensured that Ralph Melish would have ended up, like all who challenge the fundamental laws of our society, in an iron coffin... with spikes on the inside.
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