A Swallow? Carrying a Coconut? From Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
KING ARTHUR:
Whoa there!
SOLDIER #1:
Halt! Who goes there?
KING ARTHUR:
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle Camelot. King of the Britains, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
SOLDIER #1:
Pull the other one!
KING ARTHUR:
I am... and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER #1:
What? Ridden on a horse?
KING ARTHUR:
Yes!
SOLDIER #1:
You're using coconuts!
KING ARTHUR:
What?
SOLDIER #1:
You've got two empty halves of a coconut and you're bangin' 'em together!
KING ARTHUR:
So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--
SOLDIER #1:
Where'd you get the coconuts?
KING ARTHUR:
We found them.
SOLDIER #1:
Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut's tropical!
KING ARTHUR:
What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1:
Well this is a temperate zone.
KING ARTHUR:
The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, and yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1:
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
KING ARTHUR:
Not at all! They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1:
What? A swallow, carrying a coconut?
KING ARTHUR:
It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1:
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
KING ARTHUR:
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1:
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat it's wings forty-three times every second, right?
KING ARTHUR:
Please!
SOLDIER #1:
Am I right?
KING ARTHUR:
I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2:
It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1:
Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
KING ARTHUR:
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at camelot?!
SOLDIER #1:
But then of course, a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh yeah.
SOLDIER #1:
So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
SOLDIER #2:
Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1:
No. They'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2:
Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1:
What? Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2:
Well why not?
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